Cologne
I thought we had come to Cologne to see the cathedral and wander the Christmas markets, but apparently we have come to Cologne to eat.
This shouldn’t be a surprise to me – before we’d even left the UK I prepared for our first day in Cologne by googling ‘where can we find enormous pork knuckle, mountains of mashed potato and sauerkraut close to our hotel?’
We found exactly this just around the corner. We were ushered to our table by a very enthusiastic host, gesturing impatiently for us to follow, follow. We sat interpreting the German menus until a waitress materialised next to us, took the menus straight out of our hands and replaced them with the English versions.
‘Two beers?’ she asked.
‘Just one beer please,’ I answered.
‘Two beers,’ she nodded, writing two on my coaster.
‘Ok, two beers.’ I was not going to argue.
I’m not a beer drinker, but I did have some of that beer, and then quietly swapped it for Don’s empty glass. At which point the waitress suddenly re-appeared by my side.
‘Another beer?’
‘Ok, another beer.’ I was not going to argue, Don could drink it.
We got what we came for – enormous pork knuckle and mountains of mashed potato and sauerkraut for Don, enormous German sausage, cabbage and bacon and fried potatoes for me. It was a glorious feast that started with moans of delight and sampling of each other’s dishes, and ended with unfinished plates and very full stomachs.
‘Add a tip?’ our waitress asked as we paid, her finger hovering ready to add.
‘Of course.’ Again, not going to argue. It was worth it – that meal lasted us the entire day.
Today has been no better. Breakfast this morning came with four fried eggs each. Four. Morning tea a slab of cheesecake shared between two.
Thankfully this lasted us through to the evening Christmas markets. We started there sharing one potato fritter the size of my hand.
Ok it would have been one potato fritter, except they only sold them in threes.
‘One serve, ja?’
‘Ja,’ I agreed, taking the three fat potato fritters with their dollop of apple sauce.
After potatoes we had some glühwein (red and rosé), then some chocolate covered gingerbread. We went to another Christmas market and had a bucket tonne of fresh smoked salmon smothered in mayonnaise and stuffed into a crusty bread roll. A little further on we couldn’t resist a skewer of chocolate covered strawberries, nor a free taste test of the fresh baked speculaas. Nor the chocolate eggnog. Nor the orange eggnog.
We rolled around the market for a while longer, contemplating sausages, nougat and sugared nuts but we were way too full for even a sample. It was that dire.
In any case, all of this mega-eating should calm down soon as we’re off to Belgium tomorrow. Home of chocolate, waffles and pommes frites.



