United Kingdom

We’ve been having such a lovely holiday. Two fabulous days in Singapore eating and wandering before we got to the UK. Catching up with Tim and Ruth, walking Bertie their exuberant Cockapoo, another crack at FitSteps (same results), a day trip to Canterbury and a tour of Windsor Castle. I’ve barely had time to sit down, let alone write.

Finally yesterday we stopped for a moment. And being the 1st of December, Ruth suggested I help her put up the Christmas decorations.

‘Of course,’ I said, ‘what fun! I love Christmas.’

And so I found myself standing at the bottom of the ladder to the loft while Ruth handed down bag after bag after bag after bag of Christmas decorations.

‘There cannot be anymore,’ I said after an hour and a half and at least eight trips up and down the stairs.

‘No, that’s it for the loft,’ said Ruth, ‘I’ll come down now and get the rest of the boxes from under the bed, and Tim can get the tree from the shed.‘

Of course.

Once everything was finally in the living room there was not an inch of room to do anything. Boxes, shopping bags, tinsel, plastic bags and baskets covered every available space. The floor, couches, coffee table, book shelves, mantel and dog had disappeared under an avalanche of Christmas storage. We could only stare at it all and wonder where to start.

This was when Tim suggested that we should have packed up autumn before we started on Christmas. Good grief.

And so we clambered through the towers of boxes and quickly stuffed hedgehogs, conkers, autumn leaves, mushrooms, pine cones, orange cushions and pumpkins into bags and carted them upstairs.

And then we started.

Now I thought my mother had cornered the market on excessive Christmas decorations, but Ruth is in another league.

It took us over three hours to unpack, position and hang everything. And I mean everything. As I sit on the couch today, let me attempt to work through it all for you. There are fourteen reindeer, five Christmas cushions and two Christmas throw rugs, three hedgehogs (different to autumn hedgehogs), an owl, forty-seven pine cones of various sizes and colours (different to autumn pine cones), seven stockings, four giant stuffed toys, five candles, six candle receptacles, hanging things, LED things, glittery things, furry things.

Hundreds of baubles, including themed baubles – Leeds United, a hamburger, a dog, a heart and a Pinocchio pipe cleaner cone.

One full size Christmas tree and three decorative trees that light up when plugged in. A huge neon star in the front window.

A stuffed felt rolling pin with Christmas bakers, a full size cardboard cut out of English celebrity Jenna Coleman. More Santas than all of the shopping centres in England. Tinsel, holly, stars, ribbons, bells.

In the kitchen there are Christmas paper towels, seventeen Christmas mugs, a Christmas apron, two Christmas cake tins, Christmas oven mitts and tea towels and Christmas plates and platters.

In the bathroom there’s Christmas toilet paper, a Christmas hand towel, Christmas liquid soap and a reindeer. Mistletoe is wound around the balustrade up the stairs.

Apparently Ruth is yet to put out Bertie’s Christmas water bowl.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it.

I was kind of hoping today might be the real rest day. But I’ve just been told that on the second day of December we put up the second Christmas tree.

The second Christmas tree.